A Baseball Bat Or Even Just A Big Stick
posted by Jaitu at 12:03
I hate to generalise, you know that, but *every* little boy wants a knife.
[I warn you now that this is likely to ramble].
It's wired into our genes. In order to protect and provide, to fulfil our role as hunter-gatherers we need a simple but sturdy hand weapon to dispatch large hairy beasts with. I remember when I was younger I and my friends had a collection of such things. They ranged from short single bladed fold-out pen knives to eight inch 'Survival' tools with serrated upper edges, a compass in the pommel and a compartment containing matches, whetstone, wire-saw, fishing line and hooks. My personal favourite was a plain hunting knife with a simple blade and wooden handle that I could carry on a belt in it's brown leather sheath. In my case and that of my friends, we didn't own these things in case we got into a 'rumble' or in order to start trouble and get things a bit messy. They just held a fascination for us at that age. Simple yet potentially deadly devices will always have an effect on the people that hold them. I had a discussion with ElDiablo recently in which I explained to him that holding a perfectly weighted sword or well crafted gun is an oddly pleasant feeling (apart from a shotgun on my Stag weekend the only guns I have held have been of the air or paintball variety.) For some people the feeling may be disquieting or even unpleasant but the potential held within these objects is a tangible thing. There have been times in the past that my Sister would have come home to find my Brother In Law and I sat on the sofa watching television with cavalry swords or paintball guns in our hands. Now, we may have been watching an action movie or the Antiques Roadshow it didn't make any difference. It wouldn't have happened if Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman was on though, then we would have been throwing balls of rolled up newspaper across the room and scoring hits on sick orphans, but that's another story.
So what's got me thinking about these things right now?
Is it the rise of violent crime on British streets?
Is it the thousands of people instantly thrown back a couple of hundred years in the aftermath of flash floods?
No, actually it's this: The Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife.
Almost entirely impractical and available now from Firebox for a mere £499.
It comes in it's own presentation box and has 85 'fully functional' implements, although I would imagine that when in use the knife will remain stationary while you violently rub, slide or spin whichever object you are vainly working on around it.
I could never have owned one as a young lad. I could not have afforded it and it would feel awful in your hand or crushing your lap while watching television.
Besides which, how would I ever hide *that* in my shorts?
[I warn you now that this is likely to ramble].
It's wired into our genes. In order to protect and provide, to fulfil our role as hunter-gatherers we need a simple but sturdy hand weapon to dispatch large hairy beasts with. I remember when I was younger I and my friends had a collection of such things. They ranged from short single bladed fold-out pen knives to eight inch 'Survival' tools with serrated upper edges, a compass in the pommel and a compartment containing matches, whetstone, wire-saw, fishing line and hooks. My personal favourite was a plain hunting knife with a simple blade and wooden handle that I could carry on a belt in it's brown leather sheath. In my case and that of my friends, we didn't own these things in case we got into a 'rumble' or in order to start trouble and get things a bit messy. They just held a fascination for us at that age. Simple yet potentially deadly devices will always have an effect on the people that hold them. I had a discussion with ElDiablo recently in which I explained to him that holding a perfectly weighted sword or well crafted gun is an oddly pleasant feeling (apart from a shotgun on my Stag weekend the only guns I have held have been of the air or paintball variety.) For some people the feeling may be disquieting or even unpleasant but the potential held within these objects is a tangible thing. There have been times in the past that my Sister would have come home to find my Brother In Law and I sat on the sofa watching television with cavalry swords or paintball guns in our hands. Now, we may have been watching an action movie or the Antiques Roadshow it didn't make any difference. It wouldn't have happened if Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman was on though, then we would have been throwing balls of rolled up newspaper across the room and scoring hits on sick orphans, but that's another story.
So what's got me thinking about these things right now?
Is it the rise of violent crime on British streets?
Is it the thousands of people instantly thrown back a couple of hundred years in the aftermath of flash floods?
No, actually it's this: The Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife.
Almost entirely impractical and available now from Firebox for a mere £499.
It comes in it's own presentation box and has 85 'fully functional' implements, although I would imagine that when in use the knife will remain stationary while you violently rub, slide or spin whichever object you are vainly working on around it.
I could never have owned one as a young lad. I could not have afforded it and it would feel awful in your hand or crushing your lap while watching television.
Besides which, how would I ever hide *that* in my shorts?
posted by Jaitu at
12:03
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